Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
