im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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