And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
