Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
