we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
