Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
