i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
