my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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