For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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