i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
