I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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