Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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