Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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