Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
