Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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