Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
