Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
