im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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