So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
