Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
