Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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