you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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