I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
