the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
