You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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