Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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