Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
