Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize