Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
