If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My balls are so social today.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
