You're so nebulous sometimes
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
