actually, I'm a sock model
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
