Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize