Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
