It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
