You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I want a musical about memes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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