Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize