How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
