Pappa wants mamma naked
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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