I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
