Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
