WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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