God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
