They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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