from now on my penis is your penis
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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