i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ttyl tear gas
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
