dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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