You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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