Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Are my feet made of real feet?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize