Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
