Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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