I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
