I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
