This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
