Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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