ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
