Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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