Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
