every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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