I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
