Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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