question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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