your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
