with your own penis?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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