My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
