No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
