I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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