Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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