Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
