there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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