thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
