I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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