Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
