I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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