I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
