I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
