I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
