she woke up with a sticky ear
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
